Traits That Empaths Share - 2- We're Just Antennas

 

Hello My Deep Digging Friends!

In my previous post, I wrote about the first trait that empaths share: Empaths are Highly Sensitive.   As I mentioned in my previous post, when there is too much of certain types of stimuli, my brain gets overloaded and cannot reflect or process.  This often happens in relationships as the type of stimuli that I feel the most intensely is that which emits from other people.

This relates to the second trait that empaths share:

2. Empaths absorb other people’s emotions

Empaths are highly attuned to other people’s moods and feel everything that is happening around them.  This on top of receiving a multitude of environmental signals can be quite overwhelming.  And we are not only feeling other people's moods, we are actually taking them on as our own.  Whether it's anger, anxiety, excitement, sadness, frustration, we are absorbing it.  At times it can be energizing but at others, exhausting.  All of this is often happening without us even noticing.  Because we often feel everything to an extreme, it sometimes becomes difficult to differentiate our own feelings and moods from those of other's and at times it can be hard to understand why we are feeling what we are feeling. 

For me personally, this is the most difficult within romantic relationships.

So often...

I'm just an antenna.

I absorb everything that my partner emits.  Her facial expressions, the way she sits or stands, whether or not she is meeting my eyes, her tone of voice, the words she chooses, and countless other visible and invisible pieces of sensory data are being absorbed by my brain all within a few moments.

And one of the extremely difficult parts of the romantic relationship I've been in for the past 2 years has been that my partner is also empathic and highly sensitive to many of the same types of stimuli.

Much of the time...

We're both just antennas.

Prior to the past few weeks, I don't think that either of us had begun to fully explore what that means and how it affects our interactions with others or within our relationship.  I think we both thought we understood and had a grasp on managing it for the most part, but I now believe that we have only journeyed into the borders of this vast and remarkable land of empathy and there is much more to discover in the deep recesses of this sensory forest.  

On the upside [And there is an AMAZING upside!], there are immensely rewarding interactions when we are both attuned to one another in positive ways.  There is nothing quite like the feeling of connection that proceeds out of these times and it can be exceptionally beautiful and transcending in so many ways.  But the intensity that we both feel when the other is struggling throws us into a very dangerous cycle of heightened emotional absorption that can lead to distance and self-isolation on both ends.  Places that neither of us want to be.  There's an importance of knowing our limits.  Stepping away before one or both of us get overwhelmed and bewildered is so important and so difficult at times.  Equally important is being able to communicate that need in a clear, loving and supportive way.

I know that my partner has an open heart and mind and is always reflecting on how sensitivities affect her, and our relationship and I appreciate this very much.  As for my part, I have been seeking out information to help me understand more fully, the extent to which sensitivities affect me individually as well as within our relationship and what steps I can take to manage, embrace and at times even benefit from all of the charge that's in the air around us.

I'm currently reading a book which has begun to help me understand and learn to celebrate this gift that I have been given.  The Empaths Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People.   In addition, the book is helping me learn ways to keep myself calm and grounded while providing coping mechanisms to manage my high sensitivities instead of drowning in them.  As I've said many times, a gift always has a curse shadow side.  Although we often come by gifts naturally, if we don't evolve and mature in the gift, there is always a danger that we will begin to spend too much time in the negative shadow of that gift. 

I'm excited to keep exploring the deep parts of myself and SO thankful for the vast resources that are available at the click of a laptop key to help myself and others on the journey of life.  I encourage all you highly sensitive types out there to really take some time to reflect on how this part of your personality affects your relationship with yourself and others and what areas you may need to evolve in to bring about a healthier and more peaceful environment.

Let's keep digging together fellow earth babies!

                                             The Church - Antenna

"Why do you always wrongly assume

That you're so well aware of what's happ'ning there,

Right here in this room?

You're just an antenna, you're just a wire.

There's a thousand tongues wagging in your ears tonight,

And you turn around and you call me a liar."

Victims on the Move!

Good day to you my Deep Digging Friends! 

In a previous post, I wrote about how we are often drawn to toxic relationships without even realizing it. In that post, I spoke of a toxic romantic relationship that I was in for nearly all of 2018. You can read that post here: https://jjsbdiggingdeeper.blogspot.com/2020/03/drawn-to-toxic-relationships.html

In true INFJ fashion, I fear that the post may be misunderstood by some and therefore, feel the need to follow up.

Rereading and reflecting on the post, I’m concerned that the post may give the impression that I see myself as a victim. I suppose in some ways I do. As in many cases, it depends on what meaning you pour into the word: “victim.”

I have to say, I feel like the word “victim” has been sullied a bit by our society. We seem to have arrived at a place where to explore and express how various events and/or circumstances in life have affected each of us is too often mischaracterized as languishing in fatalism. And it’s not my friends. Instead, it’s a healthy part of the process of extracting the value out of a less than ideal (and sometimes horrible) situation and moving forward to a healthier plane. To characterize this process as self-centered is not appropriate. Instead, this process is self-reflective, essential and cathartic.

The problem arises when people, many of whom have difficulty carrying out this process within themselves, confuse the process as victimhood. Hear this please: There is a huge difference between embracing and processing through the situations that have victimized and dwelling in a life of victimhood. In processing, there is movement, acknowledgement, ownership and confrontation. Heavy on the movement, movement, movement! In victimhood, or victimism, there is stagnancy, complacency, deflection and blame. Heavy on the stagnancy.

I humbly assert that we are all victims. We have all had circumstances, people and events victimize us in both seemingly trivial and glaringly significant ways. Granted, for some the victimization is acutely and unpleasantly tangible. Nevertheless, no matter how benign the effect, we can all name numerous situations in which we’ve experienced the status of victim.

So, to resume my original reason for this post, I want to be clear that I have not taken up residence in victimhood. I’m merely on a journey to understand my interactions, past and present with the world around me. The whys and wherefores. One of my main goals in this journey is to identify both beneficial and harmful elements, process through them, take personal responsibility for my part and thus grow.

Having said that, I hold a significant responsibility for my part in the toxic relationship that I wrote about. Because of my own insecurities, I acted in ways that increased the toxic environment of the relationship and harmed my partner. The insecurities are a reason but not an excuse for my behavior. I could have (and should have) acted in a healthy way. But only in understanding, embracing and owning the root source reasons can I begin to create new neural pathways and change the toxic behavior. I must embrace and understand the abandonment issues I have. I must embrace and understand my INFJ hypersensitivity. I must embrace and understand my compulsive and deep-seated “need” to ensure that everyone around me is happy and satisfied with me. I must embrace and understand the ways in which I self-sabotage situations and relationships that scare me and gravitate towards situations and relationships that are unhealthy for me. I must understand my attractions of deprivation. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-love/201103/attractions-inspiration-and-attractions-deprivation). I could go on. And will as I continue to explore myself in future blog posts.

For now, please know that I do see my imperfections. I’m constantly reflecting on both my strengths and weaknesses. There are so many areas I need to grow in and change. And granted, I don’t always see them clearly. But I want to. And I want to see them through the lens of optimism. That part is so important for me and for everyone. It’s what keeps each of us from putting down roots in victimhood and enables us to move on to a place of peace and well-being.

Once again, I’m grateful to each of you for journeying with me. I am truly blessed to have a place where I can be vulnerable and share my heart. Thank you all so much for reading and providing a place for my words to land.

Until next time, Peace, Love and Grace to each of you Deep Digging Earth Babies.

And remember, you are not alone. No one is!