The Therapy of a Handwritten Journal - Reading & Writing & Spelling, Oh My!

As part of my therapy and to document my journey to recovery, I have been writing in a journal most days. I have always liked the idea of keeping a written journal but it never goes too far beyond that. It always begins with a fluid expression of thoughts and quickly devolves into the chaos of near illegible chicken scratches. My hand gets tired and can't keep up with my brain and I finally decide to call it.

However, I quickly realized that written communication will be an important part of regaining the full use of my right arm and hand as well as rebuilding my cognitive processes. 

The first 48-72 hours after my stroke, while I was still recovering in the hospital, I was presented with a piece of paper and a pen to see if I would be able to make any marks with my right hand. At the time, I was able to make a writing motion but wasn't able to put enough pressure down to make any marks. The next day, I was able to write my initials, "JSB" legibly, but wasn't able to cognitively form my first name, "James" and so wasn't able to write it. 

Since then, I have somewhat steadily improved, depending on my level of brain fog and fatigue. If I'm really tired or have exerted myself then I will quickly lose my thought process, sentence structure, and begin to leave words and letters out making it super difficult to stay mentally focused.

I've decided to share a short example from my written journal below, from July, 2nd. This is the beginning of an entry and there are some clear signs of scribbled and left out words, misspellings and instances of writing one letter in place of another. The following pages (not shown) continue with this increasing pattern until my concentration almost completely breaks down.

I know that there has been drastic improvement in my handwriting both in my endurance and cognition but it feels so very tedious. 

It's still difficult for me to wrap my "brain" around how I can fully receive and comprehend complex information and thoughts and yet, I struggle to communicate those thoughts back to others both in written and verbal form. All the while, I know that I'm incredibly lucky in that there are many who have suffered strokes who don't even have the understanding piece and can't even form the thoughts they are so desperate to share. 

All I can do is continue the challenging work each and every day and through that challenging work, continue to sharpen my abilities one step at a time.

Peace and Love to you my Fellow Deep Diggers!