Taking Responsibility for Your Own Emotions

 

Greetings Deep Digging Friends!

As I write this, I am sitting on a 20^th floor balcony of a condo in Panama City Beach, Florida, with the ocean in front of me and the soothing sounds of the waves gently smoothing the shore.

I read a post this morning about how to handle disagreements effectively in the context of taking responsibility for your own emotional reactions. I have been thinking about this subject quite a bit over the past several months after I began counseling and was introduced to the concept of differentiation of self.

Part of this is learning to take ownership of your own emotional responses and that you are not responsible for the emotional responses of others.

As I said, I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole responsibility for our own emotions concept and I still haven’t wrapped my head completely around it. Still, I discern the healthy truth in it: It’s easier to attribute how we are feeling to the words and actions of others than it is to examine why we are reacting emotionally and taking steps to change those reactions.

If you begin to reflect on where your own emotional reactions are coming from and exploring ways you can alter those reactions in a healthy way, it will change the entire framework in which you view feelings. With this change in perspective, you will also begin to understand that you are not responsible for the emotional reactions of others. This will not sit well with many of those around you as the common misconception of others will be that this viewpoint communicates that you don’t have any responsibility in how you act toward others. e.g., "I can say or do whatever I want and it doesn’t matter if it hurts someone else." 

This is not at all what the essence or focus of not being responsible for someone else’s emotions is. Of course, there is a responsibility to consider others when we act. However, after evaluation and reflection, and acting with the intent of a healthy interaction and love,  you are not responsible for the emotional reaction of others. Each person is responsible to completely own their own emotions and feelings and address those. You have very limited control over the feelings of others but ultimately, you have full control of our own feelings.

 Understanding and embracing the healthy truth that you are not responsible for someone else’s feelings can bring real positive changes to all your relationships, from work to family to romantic partnership. And I’ve found that although there may be some resistance from others to this at first, in the long run both you and the other person will feel much more centered, calm and supported when this concept is embraced.

Along with this, it’s extremely important to remember that with this concept, your focus should be on what YOU need to own and take responsibility for. The letting go of what others are responsible for is best kept as an inward reflection on your part and if there is a need to communicate this to the other person (which is likely in close relationships where a pattern has been developed), it should be presented with calm, encouraging care and love and not in a lecturing way. The goal is to embrace this for yourself and share that journey with others and not to demand that they take the same journey or point out where you feel they are not taking responsibility. In other words, as is so often the case, leading by example is the best way to bring about this change of outlook in yourself and others.

 

There are so many articles that discuss what it means to take responsibility for your own emotions and feelings. Here is one that I read this morning that I would like to share for those of you who would like to understand this concept and move toward a change from the pervasive pattern of belief that other people and events are responsible for your feelings:

Howto Take Responsibility for Your Feelings

 

As always, thanks for reading and coming along on this journey with me!

I wish peace, love and emotional calm to each of you Fellow Earth Babies!