Greetings Deep Digging Friends!
As I write this, I am sitting on a 20th floor balcony of a condo in
Panama City Beach, Florida, with the ocean in front of me and the soothing sounds
of the waves gently smoothing the shore.
I read a post this morning about how to handle
disagreements effectively in the context of taking responsibility for your own
emotional reactions. I have been thinking about this subject quite a bit over
the past several months after I began counseling and was introduced to the
concept of differentiation of self.
Part of this is learning to take ownership of
your own emotional responses and that you are not responsible for the emotional
responses of others.
As I said, I’ve been thinking a lot about this
whole responsibility for our own emotions concept and I still haven’t wrapped
my head completely around it. Still, I discern the healthy truth in it: It’s
easier to attribute how we are feeling to the words and actions of others than
it is to examine why we are reacting emotionally and taking steps to change those
reactions.
If you begin to reflect on where your own emotional reactions are coming from and exploring ways you can alter those reactions in a healthy way, it will change the entire framework in which you view feelings. With this change in perspective, you will also begin to understand that you are not responsible for the emotional reactions of others. This will not sit well with many of those around you as the common misconception of others will be that this viewpoint communicates that you don’t have any responsibility in how you act toward others. e.g., "I can say or do whatever I want and it doesn’t matter if it hurts someone else."
This is not at all what the essence or focus of
not being responsible for someone else’s emotions is. Of course, there is a responsibility
to consider others when we act. However, after evaluation and reflection, and acting
with the intent of a healthy interaction and love, you are not responsible for the emotional
reaction of others. Each person is responsible to completely own their own emotions
and feelings and address those. You have very limited control over the feelings of others but ultimately, you have full control of our own feelings.
Along with this, it’s extremely important to
remember that with this concept, your focus should be on what YOU need to own
and take responsibility for. The letting go of what others are responsible for
is best kept as an inward reflection on your part and if there is a need to
communicate this to the other person (which is likely in close relationships
where a pattern has been developed), it should be presented with calm,
encouraging care and love and not in a lecturing way. The goal is to embrace
this for yourself and share that journey with others and not to demand that
they take the same journey or point out where you feel they are not taking
responsibility. In other words, as is so often the case, leading by example is
the best way to bring about this change of outlook in yourself and others.
There are so many articles that discuss what it
means to take responsibility for your own emotions and feelings. Here is one
that I read this morning that I would like to share for those of you who would
like to understand this concept and move toward a change from the pervasive pattern of belief
that other people and events are responsible for your feelings:
Howto Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
As always, thanks for reading and coming along
on this journey with me!
I wish peace, love and emotional calm to each
of you Fellow Earth Babies!
