Greetings Deep Digging Friends,
In my previous post, I mentioned that I wanted to pick back up on writing about
the 10 traits that empaths share. I wrote about the fourth trait that many
empaths share quite some time ago and you can read that post here: Many Empaths are Highly Intuitive.
The next trait I'm writing about is possibly the most enigmatic and misunderstood
of Empath characteristics:
5. Empaths Need Alone Time
Because of the high sensitivity and
the absorption of surrounding energy stimuli, empaths can easily become overwhelmed
and drained and alone time is so essential to being able to disengage from the
surrounding emotions and expectations and to recharge. It’s important to
remember that empaths are taking in everything, even those little things that
they don’t realize they are taking in. While a lot of other folks are barely
aware of facial expressions, movements, sighs, mumblings and myriad of other sensory
events, empaths are absorbing it all. Add in the tendency of empaths to ignore
their own needs and focus on pleasing others and it’s inevitable that energy will
be depleted and wear us down. This is especially true for empaths who are
introverts.
This trait causes so much consternation
in those who are in close relationships to empaths. The push for alone time can
often be seen as a cold push away instead of the self-care (and other care!)
that it is. When empaths don’t get alone time, they tend to become cranky and
resentful as energy is depleted unless a thoughtful retreat happens.
Other people often take it personally
and can’t see that the need for alone time is not because we don’t love or
enjoy time with other people. It’s because we DO love, enjoy and value other people
and we know that we are at our best when we have had time and creative
experiences alone to separate ourselves from all sensory pressure from expectations
and influences that come with being around others.
Here are some reasons why alone time
(and sometimes a lot of it!) are important for an empath:
·
As I mentioned above,
there is an energy depletion that takes place when an empath is surrounded by sensory
stimuli which they are constantly processing and returning in an intentionally
positive way. For this reason, alone time is important for the empath’s own energy
reserve recharge. This can be confusing to others around us for a number of reasons,
one of which is that not all empaths are subject to the same sensory input. The
sensory stimuli for one may not be the same for another. For example, I know
some empaths who need to recharge in very quiet environments, completely
isolated from all other people. For me, I am often more recharged by being in a
public place, surrounded by people but not directly tied to any of those people.
i.e., A coffee shop or microbrewery where I can sit “alone” yet surrounded by
sounds of people chatting, etc. This environment where I can feel the absence
of emotional and mental responsibility for anyone or anything else and yet
still feel the kinship of humankind is essential for my own recharging process.
But for others, this would be the furthest thing from a recharging environment.
All empaths have similar traits but the types of stimuli we take in can vary widely
and it’s important for everyone to remember this.
·
This alone time, whatever
it looks like for a particular person, is essential to an empath’s performance.
Only with an environment of freedom from sensory overload can an empath exhibit
his or her peak performance. This is why a lot of empaths prefer to work on
projects alone whether it be in a work or home environment. Creative and
passion projects are particularly influenced in this way. Alone time is
essential to hitting that creatively productive peak.
·
It’s so important for
empaths to Self-recalibrate – Alone time is needed to reset one’s body, mind
and soul and separate one’s own energy from others. It’s hard for others to
understand sometimes but all the sensory input often causes highly sensitive people
a very difficult time with differentiating between our own energy priorities
and those of others. That’s why alone time spent in some form of meditation is
so important for the empath to be able to separate and clarify what one can and
can’t handle and then shedding responsibility for situations, emotions and
burdens that do not belong to us. I don’t want the word “meditation” to
mislead. Meditation is not strictly limited to the traditional idea of sitting with
one’s thoughts and emotions but instead can be any activity that causes us to enter
a baseline state of clarity. For me, some of the places I find this meditative state
are when I am running, writing, editing my podcast or sitting on the deck and
listening to water splashing from the fountain in my pond.
·
Another extremely important
reason that empaths need alone time is to prevent an eruption when sensory
input is reached. Reaching the sensory limit can cause an empath to go into fight
or flight mode. It’s important to remember that as empaths are taking in a lot
of energy stimulus, they are also automatically analyzing all of that intense sensory
information and translating it into action to try to contribute to situations
and people in a positive way. This activity leads empaths to reach a limit
often without even realizing it and the fight or flight state kicks in. Often, empaths
will retreat temporarily to recuperate.
This often comes on so suddenly
that the empath feels trapped and acts quickly and seemingly cold and impulsively.
While retreating (not to be confused with flight or abandoning!) is much healthier
than erupting into fight mode, empaths need to understand that it’s important
to communicate clearly to those around us when this is happening that there is
a need for a temporary retreat. It can be confusing for the empath as reaching
this state is often a lengthy process and yet it suddenly happens. But if an
empath can’t take a moment to explain what is happening before retreating, it
can hurt and confuse those around us. Often, I reach this point and the
difficulty of communicating this feels so overwhelming. However, clearly
explaining this is something that is on me to do, with the realization that it’s
not fair to make others feel like I have just suddenly disappeared without any
explanation. At the same time, it’s important for those in our surrounding relationships
to understand who we are and that this is not a rejection that should be taken
personally but rather a healthy action to bring things back into balance so we
can be good and positive for the relationship.
·
Having alone time also
allows for an empath to properly control and manage the empathetic ability. I
almost hate to refer to it as an ability but really that’s what it is. What I
don’t want to convey is that empaths are any more valuable than those who are
not empathetic. I believe that everyone is equally important to the healthy relationship
construct in this world and the ability of non-empaths to separate out all of
the sensory input and not be affected by it is just as great an ability as
being able to feel it all.
For those who are empaths,
it’s important to manage the power we have or it will certainly manage us. We
need to channel how our empathy is used and what I wrote of earlier about self-recalibration
is of the highest importance to getting back to the clarity baseline we need to
be able to utilize our empathy in the most positive and beneficial way for
ourselves and others.
·
Finally, all the above is
rolled into the last important thing that alone time brings for the empath:
That is, keeping a mentally sane state. If an empath is kept from the form of
solitudinous, recharging activity that is needed, it will result in horrible
mental and emotional difficulties that lead to numbness and mental breakdown.
In closing, I hope that both empaths and those in all levels
of relationship with them can work to understand and embrace the essential need
for alone time and the healthy value it brings.
Peace to you Fellow Earth Babies!
