Last night was one of those nights. I was awakened around 2am and then couldn't get back to sleep. The dark of night overwhelmed my senses and took me to a lonely place. Even though Joy was sleeping right next to me, all I could do was lay there questioning if I am really all alone in life, if I really have any friends, if there is any hope. etc. Fortunately, I don't have as many of these nights as I used to but they still come from time to time. And when they do, the darkness brings feelings of alienation, hopelessness and vulnerability. It's not rational. It just is. Luckily, I recognize that this phenomenon is mainly brought on by a combination of me being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and the power of darkness to alter one's mood. Because of this recognition, I have learned to intellectualize the situation, reminding myself that when the morning light arrives, I will be much more hopeful and optimistic. I reaffirm to myself that I am not alone, that I do have friends and people who care for me and that the darkness is simply playing tricks on my thoughts and emotions.
I'm not naive enough to think that there aren't others of you who have experienced the same exact feelings and the resulting insomnia that accompanies them. I'd like to share just a couple of things that have helped me in these situations and may or may not help others:
First, realize and remind yourself that the darkness has a mood-altering power. At times it can be calming. For example, if you are sitting on the deck with friends after dark just talking and relaxing. Unfortunately, it can also me distressing. For example, the situation I wrote about above in which you wake up to overwhelming darkness and deafening silence. There may be a house full of people. You may even have someone next to you, but you still feel a deep sense of isolation and loneliness and all of life's struggles come rushing into the forefront of your mind. In these situations, realizing the mood-altering power of darkness is key. Rationalize to yourself how the darkness is amplifying things and remind yourself that this amplification will decrease in the light of day.
Second, in order to get back to sleep and essentially hasten the coming of the morning light, there is a method that I learned a long time ago to help simultaneously distract and "turn off" the mind. I actually learned this in one of my college classes and I have used variations of this method ever since. I recognize that it will not work for everyone but it can help many, even when it feels like it shouldn't work. Take a category and start at the end of the alphabet, thinking of a word from that category that starts with the letter of the alphabet. It doesn't matter what the category is, although a category that is a little more challenging seems to distract the mind more and shut it down more quickly.
For example, you could think of breeds of dogs. Start with the letter Z and try to think of a breed of dog that starts with Z. Concentrate for a few minutes on trying to think of a dog breed that starts with Z. If after a few minutes you can't (and you won't be able to with this category), just relax and move on to the next letter, Y. You may think of Yorkie. Then move on to the next letter X. and so on and so on. Like I said, it doesn't matter what the category is. It could be models of cars. Colors. Cities. Whatever category you choose.
This process taxes the mind and distracts it. You have to concentrate a little to try to pull something from memory that will fit the letter. This also makes the mind tired. It's a little like trying to read a boring textbook. It makes one fall asleep. The benefit to this is that you don't have to engage any lights (as you would have to with a book) which could cause you to be more wakeful.
I think you may find that even if you don't believe this will help, you will grow tired and will fall asleep without even realizing. If you make it through the alphabet (I'm not sure that I ever have) just start again, either with the same category or a different one.
These are just a couple of ways to help you through those dark and lonely nights when sleep is elusive.
Until next time,
Peace and rest to you all.
By My Side - INXS
