I've had a lot of people say things to me over the past several months. Actually, "suggest" may be a more fitting word. Doesn't everything seem so simple when it's someone else's issue? Isn't it easy to hand out tailor made fixes for people who are going through tough times? Isn't is easy to tell someone to "get their shit together" when we [supposedly] have our own together. We have the luxury of being outside of the feelings of pain, misery, isolation, alienation, etc. that the "poor lost soul" is experiencing. We justify ourselves by characterizing our problem solving advice as "speaking the truth in love". We don't (or can't) really seek to understand what the person is going through. We are so full of condescending bullshit sometimes.
That's one of the reasons that I turn to music and songs so many times. A song is an entity that is impartial, non-judgmental, and indifferent. It says what it says. It does not change its message or the words with which it delivers its message due to hurt feelings, fear or self-righteous disdain. It does not put on airs. Yeah, I guess I could go on about songs/music for a while, but I won't.
Instead, I want to talk about a couple of songs that encouraged me about a month or so ago when I needed all the help I could get.
I've been quite depressed for a while, although I didn't fully realize it until recently. Sometimes it's hard for me to see what's going on inside me. It sometimes takes me a while to process things and then afterward I come to realizations that I wonder how and why it took me so long to reach.
At any rate, I have spent a fair amount of time lately, thinking about the fine line there is between apathy and incapability. I'm speaking of being stuck somewhere (like in a depressed state of mind for instance) and whether it's due to not being able to move out of it emotionally and/or mentally verses being able to and just not trying (or wanting) to. Admittedly, I've gone back and forth a good deal about my own situation regarding these two possibilities. Some days it seems quite beyond my own ability to get beyond my despondency. There are other times (most times) when I feel like it's all about fighting. It's all about pushing forward. It's all about putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward until I eventually catch a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.
It was with the outlook of striving against the shit and pushing toward the glimmering light of hope that I was struck by a song by The Cure that I hadn't heard for a while. This song came on while I was running and it has lyrics and feeling that make me think of fighting with all your might against something.
Just lashing out against what is tormenting you.
Just totally reacting and spazzing and hitting until your free.
The song is appropriately called, "Fight"
"Fight fight fight!
Just push it away
Fight fight fight!
Just push until it breaks
Fight fight fight!
Don't cry at the pain
Fight fight fight!
Or watch yourself burn again...
Fight fight fight!
Just push it away
Fight fight fight!
Fight til you drop
Fight fight fight!
And never never
Never stop!
...So when the hurting starts
And when the nightmares begin
Remember you can fill up the sky
You don't have to give in
You don't have to give in
Never give in"
The Cure- "Fight"
So, I'm running along and listening to this song and I'm just really feeling the "fight" rise up inside me. I was inclined to pump my fist in the air (which I have done while running before) but I am out in public so I restrained myself a bit.
Jump to a couple of days later while I'm out running and another song by The Cure came on that I hadn't heard in quite a while. Maybe a decade even. But it's one of my favorites and it is like a follow up sequel to "Fight". It's called "Doing the Unstuck" and it's all about letting go of all the things that have weighed you down.
All the things that have burdened you.
The things that have kept you from being happy.
The things that have kept you mired in despair.
The Cure- "Doing the Unstuck"
"It's a perfect day for doing the unstuck
for dancing like you can't hear the beat
and you don't give a further thought
to things like feet
Let's get happy!
...Kick out the gloom!
Kick out the blues!
Tear out the pages with all the bad news!"
It's definitely about just making an intentional move to let go of all those things and do something. Anything to move away from the crap. That's what I've been doing a lot of. Doing things to move away from the crap. Some of it seems so trivial or nonsensical to others, but if it helps in the letting go and moving on process, who is to judge? Certainly not this song. Because, remember, songs don't judge. They say what they say and you can either like it, keep listening and gain something from it or not like it, walk away and seek out a song that speaks more directly to you.
So, remember to fight with all your might when you need to and make intentional moves in your life to keep from remaining stuck in negative places, be they mental, emotional or physical. And when you do feel like you're in a place that has you paralyzed and is beyond what you can handle, there are only two things you can do if you want to make it through: Hold on and cry out.
More to come on that in my next blog entry.
Until then, Fellow Earth Babies, I love you all and FIGHT!
